“Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. Show hospitality to one another without grumbling. As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace.” (1 Peter 4:8–10)

As someone with the oldest daughter complex, I have always felt the need to fix everything and prove that I can stand on my own. I have worn independence like armor, convincing myself that asking for help is weakness. But God has been teaching me that sometimes the most courageous thing we can do is open our hands and let others in.

A few months ago, at the beginning of my long job search, I said, “I would rather be homeless than live with move in with my parents.” It wasn’t the first time I had made declarations like that. I’ve said things such as, “I’d rather lose everything than ask for money,” and “I’d rather go hungry than go to the food pantry.” At the time, those statements felt like strength. Now I see they were pride disguised as self-sufficiency.

This season has been one of the most challenging of my life. Being unemployed as a single mother has stretched me emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. But in the stretching, God has been showing me His faithfulness in ways I would have never experienced had I kept my walls up.

My property taxes are almost due. I have done all I can to gather the money, but I am still hundreds of dollars short. My ex-husband offered to cover the difference. I have forgiven him and know he is trying to do what he believes is right, so I accepted the help, and it is painfully humbling.

I didn’t think I’d be able to send my daughter to school either, but a fellow family stepped in and paid her first two months of tuition. I couldn’t hold back the tears. Not just because the humbling hurts, but also because I am overjoyed that my daughter can return to the school she dearly loves.

I have been receiving help from my church’s food pantry, and though it feels like weakness, it has been a tremendous blessing. Not only because of the food, but also because of the relationships I am forming that I never would have made otherwise!

I look back now and see that these blessings would have passed me by if I had clung to my ego. My unwillingness to receive would have shut the door on the very provision I had been praying for.

When we reject help, we not only rob ourselves. We rob others of the opportunity to serve and steward the gifts God has given them. We block the beauty of His varied grace from flowing freely in the body of Christ.

This time has been deeply humbling, but also deeply beautiful. God’s provision has shown up through unexpected people and in unexpected ways.

I am learning that humility is not weakness.
It is the doorway to grace.

Even though I am still in this season of waiting on the Lord, I am being transformed into the woman He wants me to be. A beacon of grace and kindness, one humble enough to set aside her pride and let the church work.

Prayer

Lord,
Thank You for using this season to strip away my pride and remind me that I am not meant to walk through life alone. Help me to love and serve others earnestly, and to also receive with grace when it is my turn to be helped. May I be a good steward of Your varied grace, both in giving and in receiving. Amen.