“Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

The Bible spells love out very clearly, but it’s still hard for us to fully understand it. Love is a word used so freely and unintentionally in our world that its meaning has become skewed in our hearts. I can say I love someone and then deceive them in ways that should be unimaginable.

Here’s how I’ve been processing what each of these attributes from 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7 really means:

Is patient: does not give up on the goodness of God or grow weary of doing good.
Is kind: cares for others more than self.
Is not jealous: does not crave what is not theirs.
Not arrogant or bragging: does not think they are better than the one they love.
Does not act unbecomingly: does not cause harm in undesired situations.
Does not seek its own: is not motivated by selfish ambitions.
Not provoked: cannot be forced on others.
Not wrong keeping: does not use past wrongs to gain control or weaponize pain.
Not rejoicing in unrighteousness: does not seek revenge or delight when someone else is hurting.
Rejoices in truth: even when the truth is painful or humbling, it is always what’s best.
Bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things: does not mean staying in an abusive or toxic situation. It means that even when terrible things happen, the love of God is not diminished. His love endures.

That last part has carried a lot of misunderstanding for me. I was taught that women should endure everything thrown at them with a loving heart, no matter what. But that’s not what this verse means. The love described here is God’s love, not a woman’s duty to suffer endlessly.

If love means enduring everything at the expense of your own soul, that’s not God’s love, it’s a distortion of it. Enduring, bearing, and believing “all things” together does not mean sacrificing your spiritual well-being to enable someone else’s sin.

When I “endured” in unhealthy ways, I still remembered the pain. I still burned with it. I still wanted the person who hurt me to feel it back. That’s not love, it’s survival mixed with resentment. And that kind of endurance is a trap.

God’s love doesn’t pit us against each other. His love bears and believes together, not in self-righteous suffering, but in unity and truth.

Jealousy and Coveting in Love

Jealousy gets a lot of stigma. God is described as jealous, but He’s also described as love itself. Those two things seem to clash, until we understand the difference.

The jealousy described of God is not envy or coveting. It’s ownership of what is already His. God’s jealousy is protective and righteous. Ours often isn’t.

If my husband spends time with another woman and I feel jealous, that’s not sin, it’s a natural reaction because he is mine in covenant. But if I let jealousy turn into hatred or bitterness, that’s where sin takes root.

If I find myself desiring another woman’s husband, that’s not jealousy, it’s coveting. Wanting what isn’t mine is sin.

Jealousy, like anger, can easily lead to sin, but isn’t sin in itself. God feels both perfectly without sin. It’s not about what we feel, but what we do with those feelings.

Love Cannot Be Forced

The idea that I can make someone love me, or that they have to love me, is both controlling and unloving. I’ve caught myself trying to earn or deserve love, thinking that if I just do things right, they’ll finally love me the way I need.

But love doesn’t work that way. It can’t be leveraged or demanded.
If I’m fighting for control, I’m not giving love freely.
And if I can’t love freely, then I’m not loving at all.

Prayer

Father,
Teach me what real love looks like. Strip away the false versions I’ve learned from the world and from my own pain. Help me see love the way You do: patient, kind, and unselfish.

When I feel tempted to control, remind me that love cannot be forced. When I want to keep score, remind me of the grace You freely give. When I feel jealous, remind me that Your love for me is secure and constant.

Heal the places in my heart that confuse endurance with silence, and strength with suffering. Let Your truth redefine what it means to love and be loved.

God, make my heart more like Yours. Steady, forgiving, and rooted in truth and love.
Amen.